And to say i'm the god of expression would be a terrible terrible overstatement. I make saying "see you later" seem like I was devoting my life to Christ. It really curls my stomach to say certain things sometimes but i'm really a very passionate person, i'm the kind of person that would cry if someone spoke nicely about me. The truth is i'm a poop stick or is it that i come from a place which demands that you express yourself in words otherwise you are considered to be weird?
Thing is i remove emotional expression from my things to do list. I group my people and I show my love and appreciation to people in those groups differently. I also remove relationships from my things to do list and i'm not quite sure if i should be sorry for that or not but i'm ignorant in that regard. Not saying that i don't recognize and appreciate the importance of relationship but that appreciation is not driven by emotion but more by common sense and theory. Mind you by relationship I'm not only speaking to the traditional "love" relationships but to all. With me, you are either friend or family...I try hard not to create temporary positions for people but in this life you are required to anyways in the end you never get the full benefits and stock options till you obtain a permanent position. Love for my is a very real thing and I deal with it very practically and i apologize in advance for not knowing how to reply.
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Things are finally coming together for me up here and I'm already thinking about my next shakeup.... aren't I the cutest? I seem to thrive on negative perspective and cynicism. Shakeups are my fuel now, Winifred taught me to be a warrior and I see it now, it's what my life will be made of up until then and until then I will keep walking de Father guides me always.
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These things concern you because you know there is something off. For most people, the other goings-on in their lives make strong emotions easier to deal with. For you, consuming yourself with other things dulls these feelings to a point where you can ignore them say that they don't exist. But you know they are still there, don't you? Why can't you stay at home on a Friday night? You don't want to be reminded of the time we spent together, do you? You said it yourself the only element of home that you are constantly reminded of is your sister and you can't even admit that to her. Even if she knows that you miss her she wanted to hear that from you tonight. I understand that it is hard for you. I have accepted and am now trying to deal with the reality of what this means for us. I guess I'm not doing a very good job because if I was you wouldn't feel the need to drag me into tonight's discussion. I don't need you to change. I need to understand but that is hard when you send me mixed signals. How is it possible for you to miss me after a week when we are on the same rock talking on the phone every night but not after three weeks when we are a thousand miles apart and communicating significantly less? Talk to you're friend if it helps you to understand yourself better because all I want to know is what you really feel and sometimes I don't even think you know that.
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